When I was younger, my entire family was killed in a plane crash. My mother, step-father, and two sisters died of conflagration. Fire seems to be a theme in my life. God has protected me from the fire, but not the results and consequences of the fire. As a Christian, I know I am being refined through this fire.

Unlike the experience of my family’s death, this recent fire has not hurt me as deeply. I have not rejected God, as I did previously. I remember after one of three memorial services in as many states, looking up at the cross in the center of the church and telling Him I was no longer going to talk to him. I walked out of that church a little afraid, but still knowing I had not denied Him, just refused to speak to Him. The escape through the tunnel of the Camp Fire on Skyway with my family is reminiscent of all the traumas in my like. Only, with this trauma, I am not turning away from God.

I am leaning in. I have stopped attempting to recover quickly (control) and am listening to others. I am not spinning. I have asked others to help. I wish I could say I did this from the beginning, but I didn’t. It took a trip to the emergency room last week to give me a wakeup call. God help me.